marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
