That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
