I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
