I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How external is "for external use only"?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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