woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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