I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
