At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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