8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
