the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You ruined the universe
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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