First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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