the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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