Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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