Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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