Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm always down for nudity.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
