lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
