stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
