Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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