Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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