what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
