Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
