He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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