I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
