Define "chronic" masturbator.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I will pee on everything he values.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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