The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
