So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
