So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
