She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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