He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize