wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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