I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
