its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
