there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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