apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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