i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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