Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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