im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drunk is a universal language darling
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
