You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
two words...techno handjob
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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