I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
