u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
