John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
cat food counts as protein by the way
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
