Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He better not be in your backpack
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
