life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
