I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
