Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
