i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
did i just pee glitter
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
