I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
