i permit you to call me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
