garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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