i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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