Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
