Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
