nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
