dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
