I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have demons in me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
