I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
