Whod you bang
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
