so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
