Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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