i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
