Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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