guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
