also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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