I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
