im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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