Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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